When my mom throws a family party
Being friends with me consists of me sending you bad jokes at 2:47 in the morning
listen up you motherfucker
73 Questions with Daniel Radcliffe (x)
"we’re five year-olds. we eat nerds all day long. and cap’n crunch and cinnamon toast crunch and cocoa puffs.” — aubrey plaza, bon appetit magazine
"Bev-Brush" 6 oz. Paddle Hairbrush Flask
It is not only a fully functional paddle brush with a mirror on the back, but a great flask for women. Just fill it 6 oz. (185ml) of your favorite drink, toss it in your handbag, and you’re ready to go. The Bev-Brush is one of the best flasks for women on the market today. This “girl flask” is just the right size to fit into your handbag on a night out. $22
What a time to be alive…
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says ”Five beers, please.”
i dont get it
No one explain it
After the Roman drinks the beers, he tells the bartender, “I want a martinus.”
"Don’t you mean a martini?”
"If I wanted two, I would’ve asked for them."
these are the best jokes ever
THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE THING
"I don’t wear makeup so I don’t have to waste like an hour in front of the mirror every morning hahahaha"
"open books not legs"
"why have tequila shots when you can have tea?"
"As always, late with Starbucks"
"modest is hottest"
"I’m not like those girls”